Open Hands.

I feel humbled today.  I spend so much time whining about my life, my job, my lack of money, everything… It’s so easy to forget that I am actually really blessed.

Lately I’ve been whining an extra lot about my lack of money.  If I were God, I would reach down and flick me on the ear or something and tell me to wake up and stop being a retard, but instead he prompted someone to donate $250 to me, just to bless me.  You know that button on the bottom of my page that says “Support my lavish lifestyle”?  Someone actually did that.  I just put it up there because it was possible, and I thought maybe someday someone would donate three bucks for me to get a coffee or something, but no.  Two hundred and fifty-five dollars, just to help me out and bless me.

Like I said, I feel humbled.

I get caught up so easily in my own worries and my own grasping that I forget that God wants me to live with open hands and let him provide for me.  I want to do that.  I want to reach out my hands and say, “Everything I have is yours.  Do with it what you will” and trust him to take care of me.  It’s so hard for me to give control of my life up though… I feel like maybe he won’t give me the things that I need or want, like he just wants me to hate my life.  Why do I feel that way?  I know in my head that he loves me and wants the best for me, but for some reason that twelve inches or whatever it is to my heart is the hardest distance for knowledge to travel.

This was such a great reminder of my Father’s heart and his love for me.  I don’t deserve this.  I deserve to be slapped in the face and told that I’m being retarded, but instead he gave me more than I would ever imagine.

I hope I remember this the next time I doubt.  And someday I want to be open hands to someone in need of encouragement, just as these open hands blessed me.